Wednesday, June 09, 2004

At Work Right Now

Currently, I am at work right now, and I have a problem. I need to write a report that is due in the next three hours, and I have not comitted anything to paper. My problem consists in the fact that I have had the last several months to work on this report, and that it needs to show about two more weeks of work that I haven't done. This is the report upon which my job hinges on. If I don't complete it right now, and if it is not a stellar report, then everything that I have worked on during the last year, and worked towards for the last five years, will have been for nought.

Here's the major paradox: I don't have any motivation to get it done. Because I feel that I am so behind, I feel a little helpless. The conscious thoughts I have run along the lines of "what is the use?" There's no point. Every time I look at the words on my research, I freeze up. Everything blends together, and I cannot focus anymore. Still, despite the fact that I am sabotaging myself for some reason, I still feel the rising panic at not having worked on this report. I will have to face the music really soon, and it will not be anything that I will feel pleased about. I don't understand why these things have to be so hard.

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