Behind in Work

I am very much behind in my work right now, but taking advice from the counselor, I am not going to complain about it and try to shift the focus on the relationship. When I think about how far behind I am in work, I can no longer say: "The reason why I am having trouble at my job is this relationship." While it is true that relationships do affect you in every aspect of your life, it is also true for me that I need to learn how to develop some personal "grown-up" responsibility and recognize that there are other decisions that affect my ability to get the work done.

For example, one of the things that is preventing me is my feelings about the toughness of the work. Perhaps in my desire to write a perfect report, combined with the recognition that the report is far from perfect, I have found an excuse not to work. I have paralyzed myself. Another thing that affects my ability to get work done is my poor time management. There are times during the day when I can work on the report, but for some reason, I don't. Then when I need to devote time to the relationship, I complain that I can't get my work done. The counselor pointed out that this is unfair to my partner.

As for the relationship itself, I am trying very hard to learn that my partner will never be perfect, and that I shouldn't expect her to change very much. She is, right now, pretty much as she will be in the future. The various minor arguments or disagreements we have right now will continue into the future. Yet, maybe counterintuitively, this recognition is somewhat liberating. Rather than feel that something has gone wrong with the relationship when she gets upset, rather than feel that I must figure out a way to adapt somehow so we avoid arguments, I can confidently feel that her imperfections are manifesting themselves and believe that they don't have anything to do with me. This realization, of course, is rooted in my love for her. I realize I can love her, but believe she is wrong and say so. I know I can make decisions for my own best interests which may run counter to what she wants or desires. I am committed to not being selfish, but I am also committed to being fair to myself. To that end, I will be working all day today. I know that this might upset her, but it is something that I have to do in order not to be fired in mid-August. We shall see what happens.