Counseling Session
One of the things that has recently come out of the couples counseling sessions that I have been going to is how I "give up my power" to my partner, or to other people. For example, when I said that I was depressed about being dressed down by my superiors a couple of months ago, and then further explained how that incident has made me feel even less motivated to complete my work (all of which is true), the counselor pointed out that I had given my superiors the power to derail me. He says that I should understand that their opinions or that incident does not explain me as a person, or describe my worth as a person.
While this kind of advice may seem blatantly apparent to an objective outsider, I was not aware that I was allowing that to happen to me. I realized a couple of things: first, I do my best to avoid other people's negative feelings, and second, I need to take responsibility for how I want to lead my life, and try not to blame other people for preventing me from doing so. While I still feel that it is true that other people, and sometimes circumstances, force you into positions you'd rather not be in, you always have the power to decide how you want to respond to it.
It was most upsetting to realize that I was seeking other people's approval and that I wanted to avoid their bad moods, angers, or frustrations. The counselor observed that maybe the reason for this is that I recieved a lot of anger and criticism as a child from adults, especially my parents. While I love my parents, this is true. I know my parents have their own issues, and that they still do, but they did yell at me a lot, and may be they yelled too much, especially for things that weren't my fault.
When I left this most recent counseling session after making these realizations, I realized that I had an unexplained anger towards the counselor himself. And I am mature enough to know that this may have more to do with the fact that he may be right about all of this more than any other reason. During the last two days, I have used this realization to help interact with my girlfriend. Although she has been angry at me for what I think are silly reasons, I have not let it affect me as much as it would have before. I think that, in some ways, I really am making some progress and that the time and money that I have invested in counseling is actually helping me out.
2 Comments:
Since I've been pounding away at you to get out of this - which, by the way, I still believe you should do - I do want to affirm your insight that has come through the counseling.
Been through lots of that myself because of bad relationships - and realized the fool I've been staying in them and why, at the time I thought I should.
I hope that you continue to see your way to freedom. Just remember that some people control others by manipulating their emotions.
Yes, it is important to remember that some people are capable of controlling others through their emotions. I think that I have felt a lot of that.
It is difficult to know what to do, but I firmly believe that I will find an answer soon. On the one hand, I have a desire to be a decent person and in that regard, I suppose it means that I want to protect her feelings as well, as imperfect as she may be. However, I am beginning to realize just how much I need to protect myself. Not having been in very many relationships, not knowing how much to want for myself, this new realization, while seemingly obvious to some, is a bit of a revelation to me.
It is the classic knowing what to do intellectually, but not knowing what to do (or how to handle it) emotionally.
(However, all of this aside, I would just like to personally thank you for your support. Having someone else's perspective in the comments helps me think about the relationship in different ways.)
Post a Comment
<< Home