Critical Argument

When she returned that weekend, things were indeed tense. She had her mother with her because she was going to have a minor procedure at the doctor's office the following Monday. Therefore, we could not talk about my irrational behavior until Tuesday, when she was done with her procedure and feeling a little better. However, we cleared the air and agreed that I was not acting my best and that I shouldn't do that anymore.

Of course, when we went to the counselor the following day, he suggested that my behavior, while not an appropriate way to handle stress, was the result of some difficult realizations that were a result of my previous session with the counselor. I have difficulty saying what I want or what I need, and I am evasive when I am asked direct questions about said wants and needs. Therefore, I have often been trying to please my girlfriend by behaving the way I thought she wanted, especially during the first year of our relationship, which pretty well meant that I wouldn't get mad even though I may had a reason to.

For the better part of the last week, things have been fine between us, and I think we're over my outburst. We've enjoyed several nice dinners together, and we have even gone out. I have also been getting my work done, which has been a good thing because I am still in danger of losing my job, but I have more hope that I can keep it than I did before.

Still, there are problems. For example, there is the issue of argument drift. While we don't have the 'knock-down-drag-outs' that we used to, we still find occasion to argue about things. The sessions with the counselor are the days which we argue least, and then every day following, we argue a little more and more.

Tonight, she made typical statements about how the majority of men suck. I agreed that there are a lot of sexist men out there, but not all of them are bad. She then pointed out some of my personal hobbies and suggsted that they are juvenile. I suggested that interest in the kinds of things I pursue are not exclusive to men. But because I was contradicting her or disagreeing, she began to get irritated. I don't know if she realizes that she gets irritated when I disagree with her.

I think I am coming to the realization that I really don't want this relationship. I get bossed around too much, and I am not allowed to have my opinions about things. Everything that she wants to talk about is a political issue which I am not on the right side of, and my emotions are not as valid as hers. At least this is how it feels. There still are nice moments between us, but don't know if they can cancel out all of other stuff anymore.